I'm a bit lost. The older (wiser ?) I get the more I realize how everything in life is so unstable and relative.
Most things are what we make of them. You could be stupid and become the president of a big country, start a few wars, change history for better or for worse. People then may or may not realize how stupid you are.. but it will still be a bit win for chaos. Chaos rules modern civilizations, big time.

At work things are going well.. relationships with coworkers improve everyday. As a senior employee, I feel that younger coworkers have certain expectations towards me.. which makes sense, but at the same time one could be wrong on something at any age.
Some people will challenge the status quo more than others. Sometimes I'm challenged myself, though I'm a person that challenges things... challenge the challenger !

You can challenge something, demonstrate the opposite and possibly be successful in your job. Or you can go along and still be successful.

Basically I think that nothing is really well defined. I can see how I could take a path at work and focus on something or focus on something else.. there is a lot of potential everywhere. I could be rich and famous if I cared for that more than other things.. then people complain that they are not rich, but I can't see how it's not their fault.

Same is with personal relationships. A recurring pattern:

10 find a girlfriend
20 take her for granted and get tired of her
30 break up
40 regret for a while
50 find a new girlfriend
60 stay in limbo for a while
70 lose interest for the previous girlfriend
80 goto 20

.. in the meantime there is this ghost.. the ghost of the "M" word.
My opinion is that if I didn't leave Italy, I'd be "M" by now ("M" is pronounced: "fucked !") .. because life would have been much more static. I'm not a wild adventurer, but you don't move to California and then to Tokyo only to get stuck in some gear.
I sometimes wonder how fashion and female customs affect economy. With all those cute girls wearing sexy clothes everyday.. perhaps affects how men think and behave. Perhaps men would be less motivated at work if there wasn't so much "fish in the sea" (though not easy to catch !) constantly teasing the hungry worker.. work harder, get richer, buy me an expensive bag !
And those sexy girls definitely influence other girls.. it's like a race to who's cuter.. or at least it's a reminder that if you don't act cute or dress sexy, then some other girl will and she'll take the better man.

Basically a competitive environment..
Of course all this has to be taken with a grain of salt. I think I see the general rule to get people going and working. It's true everywhere, but perhaps slightly accentuated in Japan. To what degree and to what extent I don't know, but I can definitely see why women in Rome and in Los Angeles dress a lot more casual than their Japanese counterparts.

..but where does all this lead ? I'm supposed to feel arrived, to want to settle, to want to go home early. Instead I want to do my programming, I want to code graphics, mostly, but anything else.. I like the freedom to go about projects at work or at home.. and I find it hard to believe that I will ever want to get into a relationship that is destined to become affection and little or no passion in the best case. But more like fighting, cheating, separation in the more common case.

Every time the "program counter" gets to 50 I'm glad that I'm still in the loop, because every cycle is a bit different, every time I learn something new and I fear the day when I will have to break that cycle.

ummmmmmmmm !!!!

I've been quite busy with work and social life.
With the winter season, some friends came to Tokyo for business and fun. That took quite a chunk of my free time. It's always nice to meet old friends, but that affects my Internet activity 8)
Friends from Italy keep insisting that the situation in Rome is getting worse every year. With people from poor countries flowing in large numbers and criminality raising. While keeping the same old culture of inefficiency and rudeness towards customers.
Oh well, at least Rome doesn't have trash rotting in the streets like for Naples 8)
If you plan to travel to Italy, don't go to Naples. Italians themselves try to avoid it. You'll get robbed, but you'll get robbed in Rome, too. ..what a great country Italy has become !
Italians themselves complain a lot, but it's never enough. They can't really tell because they normally don't see any better. Try to live in Tokyo, then go back to Italy, and notice the difference.
Every Italian, by law, should have to try go live in an a more civilized country, to learn and spread.

By the way, it's official that (romantic) relationships do suck.
The thing that is really strange in relationships is how one can profess love to a person for years and then just stop seeing that person. It takes a long time to shake that off (at least for me !). It's a lengthy painful process, an emotional roller coaster generated by the fact that as two people come apart they slowly get out of sync with their high and low mood states (? whatever ! 8).

Moving on is however usually the best solution. In relationships and in life in general. The trick is to balance things.. how much time and effort should one put into something before giving up ?
The one gives up on something and suddenly it seems like it was one minute too soon. Tricky !!

Today is a great day, because I finally got over my current relationship.

Great but not so great. I have a "dog personality" and I tend to get attached to people. I wish them their best, but at the same time, there is always a situation in which the other person has doubts and maybe goes too far and then it's basically over. Because I live by relatively strong morals, I never cheated, I don't ever plan to do it. Even if I don't like someone that much anymore I still try to give my best (though faking your best isn't quite the same thing).

I hold no grudge, I just want to get over with it. Men, especially those living in Japan, are a lucky bunch. It's definitely not a harem, but it's also very possible to get young cuties !
Living in the center of Tokyo surely has it's influence. If I feel sad, I can just get out and watch hundreds of cute girls showing off.  read more »